Marrying Is Easy, Divorce Is Hard

With the new year, many people resolve to either work to improve their marriage or to divorce.  Determining whether you are “done” with your marriage can be incredibly difficult.

 If you choose to work on your marriage, the most common marital challenge is finances.  Start analysis by completing a “Domestic Relations Financial Affidavit”.  This standard family law form is available on-line.  Often, this simple form evidences where problems lie.  What steps can you take to relieve financial stress?  If facts are dire, consider reaching out to a financial coach, i.e. Dave Ramsey, or consult with a bankruptcy attorney – i.e. Glen Johnson. 

Next, what can you do to improve yourself?  Take accountability – don’t blame your spouse for all the issues.  The only person you can change is yourself.  See a counselor if you need help or start with a self-help book.  Gray Chapman’s “Love Languages” or Dr. John Gottman’s “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work” are excellent resources. 

Last, what are you be grateful for?  The grass is not always greener on the other side. Make a list of both the good and the bad in your marriage.

If you choose to divorce, planning is key.  First, complete a Domestic Relations Financial Affidavit for both yourself and your spouse.  How will two households be supported with the income currently supporting one household?  Is bankruptcy a possibility?  Can you afford an attorney or should you ask family for financial assistance?  Will medical insurance or COBRA be available after divorce?  Obtain your credit report.  Do you have you well established credit or should you build credit now?  Could you pre-qualify for a mortgage?  Consider these issues before you file – not after.

Second, is your spouse considering divorce or dating?  Should you hire a private investigator?  Has your spouse hired one?  Should you terminate all social media until your divorce is final? 

Third, reach out to an attorney.  What are your equitable asset and debt division, parenting plan, child support and alimony divorce goals?  What are your spouse’s priorities? 

Remember, divorce is not about failure.  It’s about better possibilities.